I stated in past posts my quest to return to normalcy (if there is one); jumping into the corporate world after 9 years in a state of illness called depression.

The bumpy ride is getting bumpier and bumpier.

I am in customer service; stats were meeting targets every month and I was becoming contented in the job routine.  My rapport with customers was polished and roughly every month qualified for the department bonus.  So that was that.

Then May/07 arrived.  Department shuffle = training, new stuff to learn.  I must have acquired a learning disability during these crappy depression years (ECT may have been a factor), because I never recollect having such problems in the training area of a job.  Job training is going to send me to my grave.  First of all, it was the two training requirements to get jobs in the first place, to launch my career, and now to keep a job I must go through more.  The ‘department shuffle’ session was complex.  The usual computer problems; 3 screens behind everyone else, and in a panic when required to pass the quiz after completion.

And now……  I just discovered, management will be adding another facet to our already jam-packed positions.  I am not overjoyed.  Another training course.  Another quiz.  Wow.  I feel a PeptoBismal coming on.  I feel so much anxiety, and am beside myself.  I have grown so much since my bedridden, dark days; and trying so very hard to stay afloat, but this is a knock down.  I think I need the professionals for this one.

I do have a wonderful pdoc, but think I may see the psychologist I saw a few months back for some help.  I am pissed off to a degree, and wonder why I am being tested over and over?

Graphic:   hopskipjump.typepad.com


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  1. Thanks for the tip on the supplements, however, I am taking enough ‘approved’ meds right now, so will leave that for a bit.

    Thanks for the e-mail add, actually I did send you a mail.

    For now, I am going to sit back and drink my (regular) tea and see how the job woes goes. It’s still on shaky ground, but I have to hang in there and see pdoc on Saturday. Thanks for ‘taking care’ of me though. It is so very much heartfelt.

  2. I bought this book years ago and it has been very helpful in dealing with cognitive issues brought on by stress and actual injury.

    Brain Boosters : Foods & Drugs That Make You Smarter (Paperback)
    by Beverly Potter (Author), J. Sebastian Orfali (Author) “Several trends intersect to create the smart phenomenon: the use of smart drugs, mind foods, and brain boosters…” (more)
    Key Phrases: United States, Andrew Weil, Durk Pearson (more…)

  3. This was where I wanted to put that supplement post:

    Phosphetydal Serine is an over-the-counter supplement for memory enhancement. And it really helps. I have found that it has worked well for me over the years when I am very stressed and also I suffered high voltage shock that fried me as well, and caused me more problems.

    It might be something that helps you deal with feeling overwhelmed and other cognitive problems {i.e., memory} Its not cheap, but its not horribly expensive either.

    Here is a wikipedia entry describing it:
    Phosphatidylserine (PS) is a phospholipid nutrient found in fish, green leafy vegetables, soybeans and rice, and is essential for the normal functioning of neuronal cell membranes and activates Protein kinase C (PKC) which has been shown to be involved in memory function. [1] In apoptosis, phosphatidylserine is transferred to the outer leaflet of the plasma membrane. This is part of the process by which the cell is targeted for phagocytosis. PS has been shown to slow cognitive decline in animal models. [2]. PS has been investigated in a small number of double-blind placebo trials and has been shown to increase memory performance in the elderly. Because of the potentail cognitive benefits of phosphatidylserine, the substance is sold as a dietary supplement to people who believe they can benefit from an increased intake.

    The dietary supplement was originally processed from bovine sources however Prion disease scares in the 1990s outlawed this process, and a soy-based alternative was adopted.

    I have found NOW brand PS to be reasonably priced and effective.

    If you have any questions, e-mail me at sun.da.wg@hotmail.com
    I dont sell this stuff, I only use it. Its one of many little things I use to overcome the physiological effects of what has happened to me.

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