Have You Ever Wondered?

WHERE YOU WOULD BE IF IT WEREN’T FOR DEPRESSION?

I’m borrowing this question from a member of “Mental Earth Community”; a forum I belong to.

My answer:  I have wondered and thought about that many, many times over the years.  This illness catapulted me into a life of depressive despair, loneliness, hospitalizations; loss of so many things, including me. 

For one, I absolutely wouldn’t be employed in the profession I am in now.  Customer service somehow chose me, and with such a lengthy absence from the working world, I believe this is perhaps the best that I can do for now. 

I would have continued with my career in accounting; a career I was satisfied with as supervisor of an accounting department.  Living on a comfortable salary and jetting off to a balmy climate twice per year, was basically a routine.  Peculiar how this is all taken for granted when you have it, thinking nothing of a vacation.  We haven’t been on a genuine vacation in so many years.

We never had children, so our money was all ours.  When disaster struck and I became so ill and lost my job, we had to hang on almost two years for disability to kick in from the government.  You discover very swiftly to become thrifty.

I wouldn’t be on all of the medications I am now.  I do take meds for other things, but not the costly psychiatric medications.  But, they ‘saved my life’ so to speak, and I have been on the road to wellness for over four years now.  What is more important?

I imagine I would be in the writing field in some sort of capacity.  It has forever been a passion of mine, even in my youthful years, jotting daily in my diaries.

If not for depression and my illness, I don’t suppose I would be the compassionate, understanding, and accepting person that I am towards others now.  I have a great of patience when speaking with anyone who is struggling with mental illness, or any illness for that matter.  I also have such thirst and hunger for knowledge on this illness, and if not afflicted, I would never been prompted to research.

I do have days of frustration, regrets, and tears – but that’s to be expected, I suppose.  We must forge onward and be strong.  We’re in this together, you and I.