‘TIS THE SEASON

‘TIS THE HOLIDAY SEASON
I spent three Christmases in hospital; two I couldn’t even leave to go home for Christmas dinner.  Difficult to accept for all concerned, but I was just too unwell and they felt I was a risk.

So, three or four others and me sat in a gloomy dining room and picked at our ‘turkey dinner’.  Each dinner consisting of turkey roll, faux mashed potatoes, lukewarm gravy, a few veggies, stale roll and a packet of cranberry sauce and butter.   I did awaken to a gift planted on my side table; a decorative bag with some goodies, which I thought very sweet.

The Christmas year when permitted home, was only a two hour visit, and barely enough time to wolf down a holiday dinner.  As memory serves me, I believe we found a diner open and ate there; but don’t recall it being turkey.

Christmas mood in hospital was somber, the tree in the TV room stood virtually naked due to no string of lights permitted; could warrant a potential suicide attempt, only a few crocheted decorations placed sparingly.  Most patients were struggling greatly with this season; pressure put upon them with family holiday plans.  They tried their best to put on the façade of ‘smiles and cheer’, all the while they were drowning inside.  Who wants to even think of Christmas period?  For me, frankly, as far as receiving gifts I could have cared less.  That may sound ungrateful, however, when you are in such a state of blackness and hopelessness all that your mind can grasp is sometimes ‘nothing’.

I did have my family, but I was up to my neck in quicksand with this jail sentence called depression, and at my wits end at what to do.  The doctors; the profession that was supposed to rescue me from this ‘mess and pain’, didn’t do their jobs very well.  Here I was spending Christmas Day eating turkey roll off a styrofoam plate, while they would have ‘roasted chestnuts on the open-fire’ the night before, and carved a real turkey on Christmas Day.  Seems a trifle unfair, doesn’t it?

So, for this holiday season, just for a moment give a thought to someone who may be spending Christmas in the hospital.  That person deserves to be home looking at a brightly lit tree with some gifts underneath.  He/she maybe getting Christmas dinner in the hospital, but I can almost guarantee it will be turkey roll.

Happy Holidays.
Deb