Did you know an estimated 22.1 percent of Americans ages 18 and older – about one in five adults – suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder?Depressive disorder affects approximately 18.8 million American adults, or 9.5 per cent; major depression, 9.9 million adults, and bipolar disorder (manic-depression) about 2.3 million adults.
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For a decade, I literally “lived” in and out of hospitals. My husband of 28years stood by me through these turbulent years. Years of endless hospitalizations, electro-convulsive therapy (shock treatments), suicide attempts and a myriad of medications became a way of life.
My immediate family were always there for me also, always a gentle hand and listening ear.
Friends? They were supportive at first and came in droves to the hospital for visits. But as the years lingered on, they started to dwindle. If this had been cancer or heart disease, would they have been by my side?
I believe it is the stigma attached to mental illness that drives people away.
Are mentally ill people dangerous? No! A family member totally cut ties with my husband and I during the early years of my major depression and hospitalizations, as he thought I was dangerous and feared for his children. At Christmastime, only my husband’s name appears on the Christmas card – my name is excluded.
One family member visited me in hospital and stated I had a “bad case of the nerves”. I hardly had bad nerves – depression was holding on to me.
My husband was very lonely and frustrated during my hospitalizations, as I seemed more ill with each admission. On occasion he said I looked like a person heading towards death. I lacked motivation and my facial expression was tired and drawn.
In a strange way, while I was in hospital, I wished to break free and be home, but when I was home I wanted to go back to hospital. I think they call this conditioning.
What frightened my husband the most during those endless years were the suicide attempts. He felt powerless and angry that the system was letting me down and I was becoming worse. While on passes from the hospital, he never knew what he’d find when returning home from work.
Finally, at a dead end with my psychiatrist of six years, a wonderful psychiatrist who was an authority on bipolar illness rescued me. The secret though is you MUST stay on your medication and avoid alcohol or drug use to stay healthy. Life is so different now – a complete 360º turn. There IS life with mental illness, however, the stigma still remains.
Written by:
Me
Filed under: friends, impact on family | Tagged: depression, ECT, mental illness, stigma, stigma problem
Very iteresting. how did you get all that information kowing
or internet?
Sorry, don’t understand the comment. I left a comment on your blog..please reply.
My husband was recently diagnosed with anxiety and depression disorders. He has tried the medication that is vital in his recovery, but the side effects scare the Hell out of him and bring on more anxiety.
Do you know where I can find info regarding a natural approach, if there is one?
Thanks!
merciless marc..thanks for the question. Left a comment on your blog. Hope it helps.
Oh my, how true. The whole family of anyone with a mental dis-order, suffers too. Sadly, not all families are as supportive as they could be, out of either mis-placed embarassment, or ignorance of what their loved one is actually experiencing. More voices like yours is a shining beacon through that fog – you go, girl!
Shrink…I was surprised by the reaction by friends and a few family members when I became ill. The close friends that I thought I had, obviously weren’t my close friends, and the family member that I spoke about – I still kind of scratch my head over that one. Difficult to read people sometimes, isn’t it. Few friends left, trying to build new ones again. A rough road to say the least.
Beautifully written and very well understood; I have had depression since I was 13, it still has a hold on me and it’s a daily battle. I am sorry to hear about your painful struggle but I am very happy for you on the turn-around! My best wishes to you and yours on an amazing, happy, beautiful life ahead of you. Bless you on your journey to find peace and happiness.
Thank you so much, and things have really turned around for me. I thought my life would be sitting in my livingroom, staring at the TV (on off), or in an institution for the rest of my life. I truly was one of the lucky ones – there are so many not so lucky whose meds have not been found to suit their illness.
As you have stated – it is a daily battle. I returned to work after 9 years and face stigma every day and also have to build my self-confidence/self-esteem that I lost during my journey througout the black depression years.
Take care of yourself too.
I read an entire book about stigma. But it wasn’t nearly as telling as a frank conversation with my father. He said that he and my mother are simply terrified. They don’t know what to say, what to do, for fear that it will make it worse. They wonder if I had been diagnosed earlier if things might have been better. They felt helpless and frustrated, and still do.
I imagine that is almost as hard as the depression itself.
Carrie:
That is true, and sometimes family do not know how to deal with mental illness.
As mentioned in my article, a family member cut ties with us, sends Christmas cards, puts my husband’s name on but my name is not included. I really don’t know what that is supposed to mean. That he doesn’t want anything more to do with me, wants me to just go away? Wants me dead? Strange, huh?
I’ve even found people talk to me like I am 5. Slowly, like I have a learning disability? I feel like exploding and saying “this is an illness!!!!” But then they would deem me “CRAZY”! I hate that word (excuse me).
Cherished,
I can’t tell you how many times I have wanted to scream at people who walk on egg shells around me. And you are right, people will think you are crazy if you act out. I am going through a divorce right now and every time I show any emotion at all, I get “that look” of pity and disgust. “Do you see what I am talking about now? This is why I want sole physical AND legal custody of the kids.” Sorry, I’m having a bit of a bad day.
Everyone else,
I’m not usually so angry. Depression is my emotion of choice. My blog is dedicated to suicidality — a highly emotional topic I should think — but I think I have only allowed the rage to take over on two occasions, maybe three. Maybe I’m just fooling myself; afterall, I am crazy.
PS – Unfortunately, I am the one who has taken the 360°. I hope you have only take a 180° turn. ;)
I can relate to the “egg shell walk” too.
Try not to stay too angry, sometimes it doesn’t get you anywhere. I’ve held on to bitterness in regards to several matters during my crappy years, and even though I want to hold on to them and feel like “spitting nails”, I have to let go of some of it. Otherwise I will never stay on the road to wellness.
You will get there. Depression for me is not an emotion; but an illness. You have an excellent blog, and you express yourself openly and honestly. Tackling the suicide issue is brave, and I mean that not in a condescending way, and a subject that most people would just prefer to sweep under the rug. So kudos to you.
You know, every time I read about how that family member left you off the card, my heart just stinks. I really like how you are taking the stigma out of mental illness through factual articles punctuated with these personal stories. It really hits home.
To this day, the card ‘thing’ still hurts to a degree, and leaves me wondering what purpose it served to my brother-in-law who decided that would somehow punish me. Actually, now he has completely severed ties with both my husband and I, guess we are both not worthy of his company.
Before all of this ‘illness’ happened we saw them regularly, then, poof, gonnno. Oh well, their loss.
Thanks, Vic for your support always.
To this day, the card ‘thing’ still hurts to a degree, and leaves me wondering what purpose it served to my brother-in-law who decided that would somehow punish me. Actually, now he has completely severed ties with both my husband and I, guess we are both not worthy of his company.
Before all of this ‘illness’ happened we saw them regularly, then, poof, gonnno. Oh well, their loss.
Thanks, Vic for your support always.