no choice

The Decision:  I made my decision, and really have no choice.  Unable to function at normal speed in everyday life,  my job was suffering and I was suffering at my job.  Depression is winning.

I work in a call-centre, in customer service and have a head set strapped to my head for 7 hours per day.  The job position is calculated in stats and production numbers and that is where everything was taking a nose dive.  A person once earning bonuses on a monthly basis; that ceasing in January/08.  Outcome:  I find myself on probation now for 3 months due to low, low numbers and way under target.

The company is very large and my department manager is supportive.  I couldn’t foresee anything improving, and I would be taking a chance continuing with the likelihood of termination due to no progress.  This is a very demanding position and not suited for the best of people.  At the same time, it’s not the job that is the problem, it’s me and the depression.

My psychiatrist said he would back me all of the way.  He knows me well; I’ve been under his care since 2003.  I’m heading in the short-term disability direction.  Living under a veil of blackness for however long, I need to be at home.  I feel really shitty about all of this, for I returned to the workforce and have been employed for 3 years now and able to hold down a full-time position with success.  I have been warned by my doctor to tell no one that I have depression, but rather a “medical condition”.

On a positive note:  I am not feeling suicidal, unlike my previous years when it was forever in my thoughts and wants and dreams.

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2 thoughts on “no choice

  1. Thanks for stopping by and your lovely comment. That is a very good video on stigma – gives alot of info and facts. Thanks for using it on your site – and yes we do need to spread the message.

  2. Hi
    Thanks for letting me drop by.
    Our family has experience of mental illness and I work as a volunteer facilitator and co-ordinator of a community support group for carers and families of people living with mental illness.
    I really admire the work you are doing on your blog.
    I will put the video on stigma on my site, hoping to spread the message even more.
    Cheers and thanks again
    June in Oz

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