SITTING IN JUDGMENT

Who am I to judge someone?   Who are they to judge me?

Dictionary:  Judgment: the ability to judge, makes a decision, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely, esp. in matters affecting action; good sense; discretion: a man of sound judgment.

Stigma: a mark of disgrace or infamy; a stain or reproach, as on one’s reputation; a mental or physical mark that is characteristic of a defect or disease: the stigmata of leprosy.

In my opinion, judgment intertwines with stigma.  Why do we judge?

I have voiced previously about my personal experience with both judgment and stigma, in the instance of a family member.  Not long after my hospitalization with major depression, my brother-in-law severed ties with my spouse and me, fearing for his children (or so he claimed).  Each Christmastime thereafter my name was omitted from the Christmas card; only my spouse’s name appearing.  I did nothing immoral or sinful, yet I was judged due to my illness of depression.  That was a case of both judging and stigma of mental illness.

Riding the bus home last Friday, was a true example of judging/stigma. 

A very large woman boarded the already crowded bus, and of course, no one offered her a seat.  I was seated almost to the rear of the bus, aside this young woman.  Immediately, this woman turns to me and says “wow, she is huge, disgusting, you would think she would take better care of herself”.  I retorted back “who are we to judge?”  She gave me a very dirty look.  I also overheard insulting comments behind me about this woman, “imagine her poor husband”, and “she must eat at McDonalds four times per day”; unfair remarks.  Stigma and unfair judgment.

Who made these people judges?  It is unknown what is happening in other people’s lives.  Perhaps they lost a family member, maybe surviving a divorce, surviving mental illness or another illness.  Even if it wasn’t any of those, what affect is it having on anyone else’s life anyways?  Why would it be up to someone else to pass a comment?  What about them; are they so perfect?  I think not. 

The way I try and live my life is, and live by these words; if it doesn’t directly affect me, then why should I judge another person?

Many years ago, a friend of mine was going through marital problems, was married a few times, and her family all but deserted her.   I believe they felt disgrace due to this.  It was her words that forever stuck in my head, “who are they to judge me – this is not affecting them”.  There were no children in the picture.  It think it’s nosy, opinionated people most times, who have to have their say.  They judge, and criticize and hurt.  And they repeat this practice over and over, causing riffs in families or friends.  Do they have self-esteem problems?

I’m not an angel, for I have done it myself; but I try to be aware of it as much as possible.  I think it’s almost required to have an opinion, who would want to go through life and not be opinionated.  But when it travels outside that realm and leaves a trail of judgment and hurt; then it’s gone too far.

Written by:  ME