‘TIS THE HOLIDAY SEASON
I spent three Christmases in hospital; two I couldn’t even leave to go home for Christmas dinner. Difficult to accept for all concerned, but I was just too unwell and they felt I was a risk.
So, three or four others and me sat in a gloomy dining room and picked at our ‘turkey [...]
Archive for the ‘writing’ Category
18 Dec
‘TIS THE SEASON
6 Dec
WAITING for the SPECIALIST
Written by: Me
Isn’t waiting for a specialist (doctor) appointment enough to frost your socks sometimes? Both the wait for the family doctor, followed by the specialist referral, and then the anticipated wait for the phone call from the specialist, can be a lengthy drawn out process. Sometimes, an envelope of written instructions arrives in the [...]
12 Nov
Is This As Good As Life Gets?
I used to ask myself, practically every day during my illness; is this it? What if I never get better? Does it get any better?
Sounds pessimistic, but my history of recurring hospital admissions and medications that were ineffective, coupled with suicide attempts and unrelenting depression, didn’t illustrate a positive picture. At separate hospital admissions, I [...]
5 Nov
SITTING IN JUDGMENT
Who am I to judge someone? Who are they to judge me?
Dictionary: Judgment: the ability to judge, makes a decision, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely, esp. in matters affecting action; good sense; discretion: a man of sound judgment.
Stigma: a mark of disgrace or infamy; a stain or reproach, as on one’s reputation; [...]
31 Oct
KEEPING UP APPEARANCES
I was in a dilemma a few years back. My husband’s company was having their annual picnic and he felt obligated to go. I, of course resisted initially, and then thought I was being self-centered since I had backed out of several of his company functions previously. These functions were of course met with forever [...]
24 Oct
SWEET AUDREY
I met Audrey in 1998, as an inpatient during one of my countless hospital stays. Both of us were living and breathing pitch black depression. We grew very close, seated in the lounge daily, forever sipping diet Coke. Both of us were struggling though, both feeling as if we were being swallowed up by quicksand. Everyday [...]
1 Sep
PTSD: Dirty Little Secrets
I wrote in earlier posts of my childhood sexual abuse; very much a ‘dirty little secret’.
Recollecting my past, namely at around eight years old, my friends and I would be playing in our yard and the predator next door would be sitting on his balcony. I felt frightened for them and me, and wanted so [...]
19 Jun
SITTING IN JUDGMENT
Who am I to judge someone? Who are they to judge me?
Dictionary: Judgment: the ability to judge, makes a decision, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely, esp. in matters affecting action; good sense; discretion: a man of sound judgment.
Stigma: a mark of disgrace or infamy; a stain or reproach, as on one’s reputation; [...]
4 Jun
YOU’RE FIRED
When you first hear those two words, you automatically think of losing your job. I thought I would take it one step further and think back to some of the times I’ve actually been ‘fired’ in other situations.
I will begin with my career position. The ‘firing’ took place during my first year, in what would be [...]
30 May
GUILTY PLEASURES
We all have guilty pleasures, and mine are church rummage/bazaars, yard sales and retail thrift stores. I genuinely receive a “ high” from all of these!
My mom and I frequently visit the church events and yard sales together on Saturdays. With the churches, the doors are typically set to open @ 8:00 a.m., but [...]
19 Apr
My Sweet Emma
What do you do when your dog of age 16 passes away? Do you get another one right away? Is that taking the memory away from the other dog? What to do. My little toy poodle, Casey died in November 2008 of old age – it was a truly distressing time. I was adamant with [...]
8 Jan
‘Aint Depression the Pits
Well, it’s been 4 ½ months that I’ve been off work on disability for depression, and I’m deemed healthy enough now to return. I’m lucky, I have a psychiatrist who worked with me on the decision of when to return, asking me if I wanted to in mid February or early March. I went with [...]
4 Dec
DOG-EARED MAGS & THE WAITING ROOM
Written by: ME
Continuing my saga of waiting for doctors……
The wait in a doctor’s waiting room can on occasion be short and sweet, rarely happening to me, or, you can bring camping gear to set up for the day. You recognize you are in a dilemma when, after driving two hours and upon arriving, the receptionist slides the [...]
30 Nov
Goodbye Sweet Casey
Yesterday my little dog Casey passed away. He was 15 years old, had him since he was a wee puppy, a white toy poodle, regularly in fine health, but he lost to old age. We knew it wouldn’t be long, as Casey began having problems with his back legs and balance, also urinating on the [...]
24 Nov
3 Months on Disability
I feel I have improved slightly, fighting this struggle with major depression. The black paws of depression began grasping hold of me earlier in the year, wouldn’t let go and shoving me deeper and deeper into that black muddy hole. I’d been there before so many times and didn’t want to believe this was happening again.
I [...]
25 Sep
Finally Approved
Well, finally I received the “letter”; the letter advising me that my short-term disability claim was approved. Phew! My only disappointment was that my disability will end October 31, 2008.
With the sadness and hopelessness I feel right now with this depression, November 1st is a unrealistic day to return to work. That will be only [...]
18 Sep
In The Dumpster
So far this has been a crappy week. Most of the time I have been waiting for a call from the insurance company for my short-term disability claim. I called Monday to see if another department had received the doctor’s form, they had received it, and then told I was assigned a case worker. Spoke [...]
7 Sep
Should I Tell?
I ask this question over and over in my brain throughout the day; it’s getting ridicules.
Should I tell anybody, everybody, nobody that I have a mental illness namely depression? I really know the answer, and that is “keep my big trap shut!”
I’m off work on sick leave now awaiting a form filled out from my doctor. [...]
1 Jul
SET BACKS: Meeting Depression Again
It’s been a few years now, but I’m back on anti-depressants yet again. I’ve been coasting along on my Lithium/Lamictal combo for about four years with just minor adjustments, but now depression slowly began showing a couple of months ago.
Strangely enough, I in truth didn’t think or want to believe it was depression, but it [...]
4 Jun
FORGET AND FORGIVE?
Forgetting and forgiving. This is a difficult one to carry through and I don’t believe I will.
I’m in a situation at present, where a relative is unwell and several of the long-lost family members must group together. One of these family members has not been in contact with my hubby and me for over 10 [...]
1 Jun
WHY…..and mental illness
WHY – And Mental Illness
Why will we always have to accept that mental illness stigma will exist in our society, and we must continue to remain tight-lipped about this illness. The outside world cannot fathom to the degree of the stamina, strength and what we have sacrificed in our lives. Yet, we must [...]
25 May
TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL?
Well, I’ve been back in the workforce for 2 ½ years now, and in my customer service position for that same amount of time. Two ladies I’ve become chummy with in my department; they know me, yet don’t know me. It’s pretty much surface stuff; how long I’ve been married, an accounting supervisor back in [...]
20 May
RE-OPENING “LIVING IN STIGMA” BLOG
Well, it’s been 6 months since I closed this blog and I have sincerely missed it. Although I religiously check in daily, I miss updating newsworthy items and writing articles that are personal to me.
I cannot believe the support for this blog, for when I closed it on December 31, 2007 there sat 19,949 views; [...]
27 Nov
2 Year Gold Pin
I received my 2 year anniversary pin at work last week, and for some reason things appear different somehow with me and my job. I can’t believe I made it this far.
My two years working in a call centre Customer Service department has been a topsy turvy struggle, especially after returning to the workforce [...]
5 Nov
Recalling Nothing
Sometimes I forget me; parts of me that I can’t remember.
The lifelong effects of ECT graced its presence once again, while out during an evening with working friends.
I have been employed with this company for roughly two years now; the majority of my co-workers don’t really know me too well, and I prefer keeping [...]
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