Stigma Quote

I had to write this quote as it reminded me of a relative who visited me in the hospital. Perhaps she assumed I lost my marbles along with the depression? A perfect example of stigma.

Does life make you feel like an insecure piece of fluff?

 Usually, when someone is referred to as ‘confident‘, they are referring to self-confidence.

Self-confidence is faith in one’s own abilities. People with high self-confidence typically have little fear of the unknown, can stand up for what they believe in, and have the courage to risk embarrassment (for instance, by giving a presentation to a large group of people). A self-confident one is not necessarily loud or reckless.

They relate confidence as a psychological quality to, but distinct from, self-esteem. Self-esteem is usually lost because of other losses. Losing confidence is no longer trusting in the ability to perform.

My self-confidence and self-esteem went down the toilet shortly after my first hospitalization back in the mid-1990s and never really returned, even to this day. The gigantic hands of depression held onto me ever so tight. I lost my thinking process, the career I built, and mostly what I lost was me.

I went from working full time as an accounting supervisor for a large manufacturing corporation to essentially a ‘piece of fluff. People routinely came to me for answers, and when in the hospital, I spent my days sitting in solitude or meandering the hospital halls to pass the time. Was this the life they sentenced me to?

It was incredible the change in me; virtually a child standing behind her mother’s dress, frightened to ask or speak up. I was even nervous about ordering a pizza via the telephone. Previously, I was forever the one who would enter a room, introduce herself, perform a speech, and feel at ease.

Mental illness does this to a human being. Instead of possessing that comfortable leather skin that gets us through rough situations, we only find ourselves dressed in chiffon. You feel flawed.

These are rough roads and undeserved journeys. Some of us have taken these roads/journeys repeatedly and question when the “under construction” will end, giving way to the smooth, fresh pavement.

It took years to recover and land back on my feet. I revisited the working world, however, only some of the self-confidence and self-esteem returned; just enough to get me by. Starting all over and learning new computer systems and methods were incredibly difficult, yet I endured employment for 6 years before dark depression struck once again and now find myself unable to work.

I recognize I still lack it, and living jobless makes a difference; away from the working world, not connected to people, sometimes hurls you into your own little world, where you get to escape and become too comfortable. I’d still rather hide, but I know I can’t, therefore, compelled to be “self-confident” looking and sounding.

Actually, this self-esteem/confidence thing is a lot of self-talk, and the support has to be there as you begin the “baby steps.”

Re-written and copyrighted by Deb McCarthy/2022

(edited and repost)

New Study: Ketamine for Depression

At-Home Ketamine Treatment Safe For Patients?

A new clinical study of sublingual ketamine telehealth is adding data to the notion that at-home ketamine treatments can be safe and effective for moderate-to-severe cases of anxiety and depression. 

The study was conducted by psychiatrists and researchers from MAPS, the Cleveland Clinic, UCSF, NYU, and Houston Methodist. Across a cohort of 1,247 patients, 89% of participants presenting anxiety or depression showed an improvement in their symptoms after four sessions, and 62% fewer patients reported reduced suicidal ideation after the sessions.

See the remainder of this article @ Benzingo.com by Lara Goldstein

Quote: “Learning from the Old Me”

Written by: Deb McCarthy reposted July 2022

Do you know How to leave a Narcissist?

This is an excellent site flyingmonkeysdenied.com for articles on Narcissism and PTSD.
I found this post, “How to Leave a Narcissist: Four key things to expect (step by step) 

How to leave a narcissist (I have edited some of the content)

Step one — understand walking away means planning to lose half of the money and personal possessions and what they own.

• Know they will do whatever it takes to destroy you socially, financially, psychologically, physically, and emotionally — more so if THEY were 100% at fault for the demise of the relationship (not less).
• Expect zero help financially, physically, or with moral support; offering closure or remuneration to a victim is something a Narcissist resists, noting that they will repeatedly interrupt even the grief process to make sure a target does not have it.

Step two — Plan your budget based on your ability to produce income — not theirs.

• Understand if you set your budget based on what you can cover that, you will never end up short; conversely, if you expect alimony and child support and rely on a dime to pay your bills that, you will have given them a highly effective manipulation tool to harm you directly every month a payment arrives late or never comes in.

Step three — Prepare to have your heart broken as they will perpetually strive to estrange children, family members, your entire emotional and social support network, and friendship circles from you with bonus points for their own ego if they can throw a hometown very public smear-campaign into the mix.

11 Ways to Stop a Panic Attack — Keep Women Healthy

This is a helpful article regarding Panic Attacks, and although they suggest benzodiazepines (benzos), please take caution as these medications are highly addictive and can cause massive problems.  

Panic attacks Panic attacks are sudden, intense surges of fear, panic, or anxiety. They are overwhelming, and they have physical, as well as emotional symptoms. Many people with panic attacks may have difficulty breathing, sweat profusely, tremble, and feel their hearts pounding. Some people will also experience chest pain and a feeling of detachment from…

via 11 Ways to Stop a Panic Attack — Keep Women Healthy

Are You Struggling with Depression?

This is a creative infographic describing depression, and I especially like how it includes statistics and comments from people describing what depression feels like to them.

edited and reposted July 2022

The Fog Between My Fingertips

BLACK DEPRESSION

Hollowness, loneliness

Black hole

No light at the top

Drowning

No one saving me

Why?

No future

Just black dreams

Despair

Feels like a prison cell

Handcuffed

Black fog

Feeling the fog between my fingertips

Nothingness

Empty

Are no treatments working?

Are no doctors helping?

Why?

What kind of life is this

Black death sentence

Written & copyright by Deb McCarthy

reposted July 2022

Please Don’t Cry At My Party

You are reluctantly attending a party when you feel like crap. Imagine planning your escape route the moment you enter the room?

Envision feeling isolated yet surrounded by lots of people; with friends, celebrating a birthday party at somebody’s house. You experience emptiness. Chatter, laughter, and enjoyment are overwhelming, yet you are numb.

Depression is lonely. Curled up in a ball–lonely.

This happened to me many years ago. I felt obligated to attend a birthday party, and although I resisted, I soon surrendered since it was for a beloved friend, and I was absent from all other celebrations throughout the past year.

Seated in a Lazy-Boy for part of the evening, I held firmly onto a diet Coke and observed the party from afar. I thought it polite to rise and finally mingle, express a smile, and pretend to enjoy the evening, yet the feeling of hollowness was debilitating. Laughter echoed.

For most of that year, my hospitalizations for major depression were frequent. Depression was black and muddy; most times, feeling like a zombie and imagined they dumped me into a black hole and left me for dead. A life filled with doctors, nurses, medications, lonesome times, seated cross-legged in my hospital room corner daily, attempting to make sense out of anything. I understood there was light up at the top of a hole, yet I was forever waiting to witness any.

I exchanged small talk with some people, yet avoided others as much as possible. Many people at this gathering did not know me, which was a significant relief. I escaped having to share stories of my unpleasant life with my mind drifting throughout any minimal conversations.

I was becoming exhausted, dragged down by feelings of nothingness and hopelessness at every moment. Escaping from this gathering was my only option.

Apologizing to my friend for my lifeless presence, she looked at me with sadness and hugged me. Strangely, I was lonely yet preferred to be alone, which was bewildering to even me.

“Depression, best known of all the mental illnesses, is difficult to endure and treat. It renders one feeling hopeless. Experiencing a wintry solitude, feeling completely immobilized, void of any light of optimism. It creates emotional and financial fallout, coupled with a horrible emptiness and black death-like existence. Life tastes sour.”   —– Deb

It took over ten years to level my depressive moods and switching psychiatrists to prescribing new medications helped. 

I returned to the workforce a few years later. After enduring six years with this company, I succumbed to depression and chronic migraines, forcing me to go on disability.

Today, thankfully, I’m seldom in that black hole and have pursued my writing and artistic passions.

Re-written and copyrighted by Deb (cherished79.com) June 2022.

Should My Boss Know About My Depression?

For nine years I struggled with depression, resulting in repeated hospitalizations, and scraping by on disability. Life was bleak and meaningless, but long story short, I recovered enough to return to the workplace.

I worked at a call center in a large bank, and although battling depression off-and-on, I performed my duties and worked there for six years. I managed not to divulge my “mental illness” secret to anyone, including my supervisor or close colleagues. (This was in the late 2000s when major stigma was still prevalent in the working world, and although companies were attempting to change their rules and attitudes toward mental health acceptance, I didn’t trust their sudden acceptance or empathy).

It’s a personal decision, one that you may feel secure revealing, but what about the person you confide in? Can they be trusted, will they empathize, do they have “loose lips” and spread the word, or will it bite you in the butt for yearly reviews/raise/no raise?

Rewritten and copyrighted by Deb McCarthy (June 2022)

Welcome – Connecting With Everyone Struggling With All Invisible Illnesses

“Living in Stigma” connects with everyone coping with chronic pain, mental illness, and all invisible illnesses.

Launching my blog in 2007, “Living in Stigma” the goal was to share my life experiences with mental illness with others, and aspire to receive feedback from those also struggling with their own depressive illnesses. I felt as if I was living in stigma with my own major depression.

Many forms of mental illness comprise Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Personality Disorders, PTSD, Eating Disorders, Alzheimer’s disease, and much more.

While I struggle with both mental illness and chronic migraines, along with news articles, social media, research, and my valued blog readers’ comments and opinions, it’s a reality that invisible illnesses such as fibromyalgia, lupus, headaches, recurring back and leg pain, cancer and so many more are also a vast portion of invisible illness stigma. 

STIGMA – Mental & Invisible Illnesses

What is Stigma?

When an individual appears to differ from us, we may view him or her in a negative, stereotyped way. People who have personalities or characteristics that society’s values negatively are stigmatized.

Stigma is a reality for people with mental or invisible illnesses and how society judges them is one of their most significant barriers to coping and living their life. We feel uncomfortable about mental illness, perhaps due to not fully understanding this disorder, and with an invisible illness, we sometimes assume they are useless, unable to work or function at all. (Statistics show stigma is less present with invisible illnesses).

Study shows: Chronic Pain showing in adults with Anxiety or Depression

In a survey of adults with anxiety or a mood disorder like depression or bipolar disorder, about half reported experiencing chronic pain, according to researchers at Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health. The findings are published online in the Journal of Affective Disorders.

“The dual burden of chronic physical conditions and mood and anxiety disorders is a significant and growing problem,” said Silvia Martins, MD, PhD, associate professor of Epidemiology at the Mailman School of Public Health, and senior author.

The research examined survey data to analyze associations between DSM-IV-diagnosed mood and anxiety disorders and self-reported chronic physical conditions among 5,037 adults in São Paulo, Brazil. Participants were also interviewed in person.

Among individuals with a mood disorder, chronic pain was the most common, reported by 50 percent, followed by respiratory diseases at 33 percent, cardiovascular disease at 10 percent, arthritis reported by 9 percent, and diabetes by 7 percent.

Anxiety disorders were also common for those with chronic pain disorder at 45 percent, and respiratory at 30 percent, as well as arthritis and cardiovascular disease, each 11 percent.

Individuals with two or more chronic diseases had increased odds of a mood or anxiety disorder. Hypertension was associated with both disorders at 23 percent.

“These results shed new light on the public health impact of the dual burden of physical and mental illness,” said Dr. Martins. “Chronic disease coupled with a psychiatric disorder is a pressing issue that health providers should consider when designing preventive interventions and treatment services — especially the heavy mental health burden experienced by those with two or more chronic diseases.”

Article source: ScienceDaily.com

Image: cherished79.com

 

Mental Illness Stigma

A ‘NERVOUS BREAKDOWN’? what exactly is that?

WHAT IS A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN? WHAT CAUSES PEOPLE TO HAVE THEM?

When I was first diagnosed with depression my mother-in-law termed my illness as a “bad case of the nerves”.  I always shook my head at that one, and questioned, what does depression have to do with bad nerves; an incredibly old belief or judgment perhaps?

The term “nervous breakdown” is used by the public to characterize a wide range of mental illnesses. Nervous breakdown is not a medical term and doesn’t indicate a specific mental illness. Generally, the term describes a person who is severely and persistently emotionally distraught and unable to function at his or her normal level.

What’s the difference between Sadness and Depression?

 

The difference between sadness and depression?  and why so many people get it wrong….. This article below appeared in www.psychologytoday.com written by Guy Winch Ph. D

Sadness is a normal human emotion. We’ve all experienced it and we all will again. Sadness is usually triggered by a difficult, hurtful, challenging, or disappointing event, experience, or situation. In other words, we tend to feel sad about something. This also means that when that something changes when our emotional hurt fades when we’ve adjusted or gotten over the loss or disappointment, our sadness remits.

Depression is an abnormal emotional state, a mental illness that affects our thinking, emotions, perceptions, and behaviors in pervasive and chronic ways. When we’re depressed we feel sad about everything. Depression does not necessarily require a difficult event or situation, a loss, or a change of circumstance as a trigger. In fact, it often occurs in the absence of any such triggers. People’s lives on paper might be totally fine—they would even admit this is true—and yet they still feel horrible.

Bipolar Disorder – Just The Facts

In my opinion, for years now, whenever bipolar disorder is revealed on social media it relates to some heinous, horrid crime. Mass shootings or some horrific crime such as a vicious assault, or violent murders.  Less often is anything else said about bipolar, such as research or how the average person struggling with this disorder lives.

No surprise there is a stigma with mental illness, let alone bipolar disorder or depression.  I was diagnosed with BP in the late 1990’s due to a few hypomanic episodes, however, my history shows I’m usually in the “basement”, staggering through the muck, fighting depression.  I wonder how thorough that test was for the doctor to diagnose me as Bipolar?For me, it’s a label, but I hate to even divulge I have BP.  Shame really….imagine being ashamed of an illness?

Written and copyrighted by Deb McCarthy/2017

If My Abusive Mother Came Crawling Back, Do I Owe Her Anything?

For me, I positively don’t owe my narcissistic mother anything. Here is the woman who spewed out vicious words, ignored me, displayed rare empathy, criticized, ranted, raved, and left me feeling worthless and undervalued.

My father passed away in 2012 and I (the scapegoat) only have one sibling (my brother, the golden child).

Our last conversation(s) were similar to this:

“Deb, since your dad died, it’s been really lonely. I have no friends and have to do everything by myself. You have a husband there all the time to help you. I have no one. It’s really depressing, all alone in the apartment with nothing to do but watch TV. Your brother is always there if I need him, but you never seem to come over very often. I know you don’t have the car much and I said I could drive you to appointments or to the mall, but you always say you take the bus. We are family and we should do things for each other.”

She wants and needs me now, yet she hasn’t changed her narcissistic personality at all, and most likely never will. Am I expected to ‘be there’ for her now that she’s so lonely, yet ignored me throughout my childhood?

She can’t have me now, it’s too late mom you blew it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I really enjoyed reading this article today titled “The Debt” in which it asked just that, do we owe parents who have abused us during our lives anything when we are adults?

See article @ Slate.com written by Emily Yoffe “The Debt” When terrible, abusive parents come crawling back, what do their grown children owe them?

Written and copyrighted by Deb/2016

Originally on my blog niume.com (Deb-Living in Stigma)
https://niume.com/profile/25982#!/posts

Imagine asking: Are you even trying to get better?

What kind of question is that? Who would ask someone that? Mental illness stigma at its best.

There are still so many comments made by society concerning mental illness, striking close to home with me and my struggles with depression.

Dusting off some old journals, back from my days in the hospital, I came across one stay where I “interviewed” informally some fellow patients enduring their experiences. While there were many more stories; I only selected these three:

These are samples of mental illness stigma and what society perceives.

~~~

*Denise in her early ‘20s gave a rather heartrending account of an outing just that evening with her mother.

Denise’s mother picked her up from the hospital for dinner at a mid-priced restaurant. It was trivial talk mostly, because she had just undergone an ECT the day prior and depression was relentless. After dinner, they both drove to the mall where they shopped for a new outfit, but it was on the drive home that anger and that feeling of failure set in.

Why Was I A Disappointment?

Image source: differentdream.com

WHY WAS I A DISAPPOINTMENT?

why was I such a big disappointment
and what age did you start loathing me
your son wasn’t treated like that
and I tried everything in me to please

the sexual abuse wasn’t my fault
yet you made it and believed it to be
to save face in the neighborhood was so important
keeping the secret didn’t destroy you as it did me

Depression: Am I here in this black hole forever? Huh?

I used to ask myself, almost every day throughout my depressive illness; is this it?  Does it get ever any better?  Am I stuck here in this black hole forever?

Sounds pessimistic, but my history of recurring hospital admissions and medications that were ineffective, coupled with suicide attempts and unrelenting depression, didn’t illustrate a positive picture.  At separate hospital admissions, I was frequently greeted by the same bed, same patients and same nurses who precisely dispensed my medications.  Many years ago, hospitalization was a sort of an incarcerated life; that of daily rituals, set meal times, social activities, lights out at 11:30 pm, and scheduled visits from visitors.   Finally, discharge, after serving my “time”, which meant adjusting to home life all over again.

With zilch changing; I’m asking “is this as good as life gets?”

It’s both upsetting and scary, no one should ever have to endure this type of life, and depression, for me, proved a dreadful existence.  After spending months in the hospital, I would continually sense that I was one footstep away from hospital waters every waking day.  Continuously, just a step away from hell; surviving only on the surface.

Why I Created “Living in Stigma” and 9 Ways We Need To Stop Mental Illness Stigma

When I activated my first blog in 2005, it focused on humorous articles only.  During that time I was struggling with major depression, yet amazingly I was competent enough to write posts, and surprisingly these articles were a remarkable success.

I continued on and gathered many followers, all the time questioning whether to write about my mental illness, yet frankly, I was very embarrassed and uncomfortable to share my thoughts and life of hell with any of my blogging buddies, the blogging world, or should if anyone in my circle of “personal people” were ever to uncover my ‘secret’, I’d be devastated.

I eventually mentioned it to two trusted blogging friends my apprehension, and them replying, “why are you so embarrassed, it not your fault you were ill, write about it, who cares if people don’t like it, go by ‘anonymous’, not using your real name this time”.  And so I did, in 2007, I began this blog.  It’s been an enormous success from day one, with so much support from the blogging community and it was the stigma that held me back from starting this blog sooner.

I was living in stigma (shame) thus the name “Living in Stigma” –Deb

~~~~

PTSD, Narcissism & TRIGGERS: Reliving the crap all over and over again

Just a quick glimpse at a man’s hands with dirty fingernails is my worst trigger, followed by a flashback.  Seems whacky, doesn’t it?

Bad memories of the traumatic event can come back at any time.  You may feel the same fear and horror you did when the event took place.  You may feel like you’re going through the event again.  This is called a flashback. Sometimes there is a trigger: a sound or sight that causes you to relive the event.  Triggers might include:

• Hearing a car backfire, which can bring back memories of gunfire and war for a combat veteran.
• Seeing a car accident, which can remind a crash survivor of his or her own accident.
• Seeing a news report of a sexual assault, which may bring back memories of assault for a woman who was raped.    Source:  WebMed.com

Great, now the Police are at my door!

Dialing the Distress Center, speaking what seemed like forever with a counselor about my obsessive suicidal feelings and depression, then abruptly hanging up was a terrible idea.  Thoughts danced in my head for days, dreaming and planning of ways to kill myself, yet I still reached out for help.  The counselor’s voice was grating on my nerves, we weren’t making progress, so didn’t want to talk to this chick anymore.

Then a loud rap at my door, “Police”.  A male and female officer are standing on my front veranda, asking if I’m ok and can they talk to me.  Me?  Why me?  Why the police?

PTSD ~ Controlling My Terrifying Nightmares

Image Source: mommysurvivors.com

I’ve had problems with dreams and nightmares for years, and never gave it much thought that it may be connected to trauma (PTSD).  After, discussing memories and flashbacks in therapy, I’m beginning to understand how much trauma can have an impact on dreams.  My psychiatrist has prescribed a medication to alleviate the nightmares, and it has been fairly successful so far.

Those terrifying, nighttime dreams in which you show up at work naked, encounter an ax-wielding psychopath, memories from childhood trauma or other tribulations may become a thing of the past thanks to a discovery reported on Reuters.com.

Broken

Famous people who have NPD

Lucky Otters Haven

This is not my own list, but I agree with most of the people listed in this blog post.

Here is the entire article:

There are many people all around us that suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), more commonly referred to as narcissism. There are many well known individuals who display characteristics of narcissism, if not full blown NPD. They range from politicians to celebrities, from ministers to business leaders. Some writers and researchers believe that successful and famous people have acquired or situational narcissism; they do show narcissistic traits but only after they have worked hard, sometimes for years, to get there. But that success often produces a personality pattern replete with narcissistic traits. Others believe that these people were narcissistic to begin with and sought out opportunities and fields that would satisfy their narcissistic needs. Either way, once they become famous it leads to narcissistic thinking and…

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What happened next when you told someone about your sexual abuse?

There has been a secret you’ve been concealing, that’s most likely eating you up inside, however, you now have mustered enough courage to tell someone you trust.   It’s rough, you’re just a kid.

Protection and trust have already been shattered by your abuser; you just couldn’t take it anymore, now it’s time to receive compassion, tenderness and told you were so courageous for coming forward and that person will be punished.

It may perhaps have been very positive for you, you were believed, acknowledged, obtained love, affection, sorrow and apologies for this ever happening; possibly counselling.  You went on to recover with perhaps some difficulty, but you received support.

PTSD & TRIGGERS: Reliving the crap all over and over again

Just a quick glimpse at a man’s hands with dirty fingernails is my worst trigger, followed by a flashback.  Seems whacky, doesn’t it?

Bad memories of the traumatic event can come back at any time.  You may feel the same fear and horror you did when the event took place.  You may feel like you’re going through the event again.  This is called a flashback. Sometimes there is a trigger: a sound or sight that causes you to relive the event.  Triggers might include:

• Hearing a car backfire, which can bring back memories of gunfire and war for a combat veteran.
• Seeing a car accident, which can remind a crash survivor of his or her own accident.
• Seeing a news report of a sexual assault, which may bring back memories of assault for a woman who was raped.    Source:  WebMed.com

SUICIDE: THE TABOO WORD

Suicide: definition…is an act of willfully ending one’s life.

Males die much more often than females by suicide, while females attempt suicide more often. U.S. Caucasians commit suicide more often than African Americans do.
People commit suicide more often during spring and summer.

Suicidal ideation produces the perilous side of mental illness, acting as both a friend and seducer. Even though thoughts of dying encapsulate our mind on one hand, we yearn to remain living on the other. We desire just to feel better.

Poetry: Just Cutting

Just a scratch

What’s that mark?”

“It was just the cat”

~~~

Just an excuse

Just another lie

“What’s with the bracelets?”

“Just fashion, why?”

~~~

Just a tear

Just a scream

“Why are you crying?”

“Just a bad dream”

~~~

But it’s not

 just a cut, or a tear or a lie

It’s always

 ‘Just one more’

Until you die

— Anonymous

UNDERSTANDING MENTAL ILLNESS

This may be of assistance as you journey through my blog…

DEPRESSION

Problems and misfortunes are a part of life. Everyone experiences unhappiness, and many people may become depressed temporarily when things don’t go as they would like. Experiences of failure commonly result in temporary feelings of worthlessness and self-blame, while personal losses cause feelings of sadness, disappointment and emptiness. Such feelings are normal, and they usually pass after a short time. This is not the case with depressive illness.

What are the signs of depressive illness?

MOM, YOU’RE STILL TOXIC & YOU’LL NEVER CHANGE

Who was I kidding, reuniting again with my mother.  I should have left things alone after no communication for three years, but no I had these grand ideas in May of this year of reconciling.  How many times have I attempted to make it work before? Three, perhaps four?  I’ve never truly had this woman’s tenderness or support for fifty some odd years, and it ‘aint ever going to happen.

Why can’t I get this through my thick skull and I allow myself to be disillusioned repeatedly?  But, was craving for parents, namely a mother who truly loved me instead of criticizing and showing my brother the same affection that I deserved, too much to ask for?  I don’t think it was.

You constantly told me to lose weight, criticized me too many times, making me feel worthless and sub-par.  I lost weight when you saw me this May, I thought you’d be so proud of me and things would be different; guess it didn’t matter.

But mom, you surpassed yourself this time, with selfish words again, and presented the “toxic mother” that you are, sent in reply to an e-mail a few days ago.

FOR ME: THE END OF MY SEXUAL ABUSE

 

This year was productive in therapy.  I can breathe after 51 years.  Yes, I can finally breathe now with no fear of a meltdown, flashbacks or sudden tears as I know for certain that the man who abused me when I was six was a bad man.  I can watch Dr. Phil when he has a guest who was sexually abused, not have nightmares, and therapy has helped me recognize that it wasn’t my fault.

The numerous articles i’ve written about my abuse on this blog, described how my next door neighbor gratified his needs, yet sent me onto a hellish future.  He deceived me, pretended to like me and tricked me into thinking I was ‘special’, yet planning and taking advantage of every chance he could get to abuse me.