PTSD ~ Are you the Black Sheep of your family? I know I sure am

That was me, the black sheep in our family of four. There was only my brother and me. He was treated like gold, the golden child, while I….you get the picture. My brother and I were having lunch one day, and these words stung “I don’t know why you have problems with Mom. We must have lived in different houses because I saw none of this”.

On their PsychCentral.com blog, this article, written by Jonice Webb, Ph.D., explains:

I’ve met many Black Sheep. It’s my job.

In a recent post called Black Sheep, I talked about some common myths and how Black Sheep are not what they appear to be. They are simply a product of family dynamics.

But today, Black Sheep, I have three messages just for you:

1. Research Supports You

Mom – Narcissistic Abuse

Unloved Daughters and Problems with Friendship

image: QuoteForest

While reading this article below, I immediately thought of myself and the difficulties I’ve experienced throughout my life with friends. I believe it’s been a huge trust issue, and becoming over-sensitive during many of my friendships. 

Because of a phone call or an e-mail not being returned, I interpreted this as my narcissistic mother disregarding me when I was younger, and now friends not giving a hoot about me either. Many other traumatic instances during my childhood came into play, thus losing many friendships.

If there is a single area of life unloved daughters report having the most difficulty with, it’s certainly initiating and maintaining close and sustaining friendships. This is true even of women who have been able to manage successful marriages or intimate connections, the other aspect of life unloved daughters may struggle with. It’s not going to surprise anyone that women who have close friends tend to be happier and have more support in life, especially when there’s a crisis; there’s a body of robust research that shows that close friendships positively impact our health and well-being. The work of Patricia Linville shows that the more ways we have of defining ourselves—and being a friend is an important one—the more resilient we are when we face down stress or a major life change.

Seeing Mom’s long shadow

The difficulties we may have with friendship are fed by many streams, some of them relatively common and others more personal. There are the unarticulated generalizations about women we’ve drawn from our mothers, the first women we’ve encountered on an intimate basis; if they make us feel unsafe, the chances are good that, unconsciously, we’ll feel self-protective and unsafe around other girls and women. We may make it hard for girls to befriend us because we need to test their loyalty and trustworthiness first; because we approach friendship with our guard up, we may not understand other girls’ openness and misread their gestures and words. Because we are sensitive to even the hint of a slight, we may bring unwelcome volatility to every friendship.

See the full article @ Psychology Today by Peg Streep

Living in Stigma July 2022

Wasted Years

Mother, Do you deserve a Card? PTSD – Survivors of Abuse

As an unloved daughter of a narcissistic mother, the cards or flowers I handed to her with ‘love’ throughout the years were given with the expectations and desires that one day she would hug me with love.  Giving her a card each year was presented or mailed with a fake smile or strained “Love you always mom.”

She by no means ever deserved a card, lunch or dinner out, and especially a visit when I was an adult.  When I moved across the country, there was one year I ‘neglected’ to send a card or call.  This resulted in a ‘hissy fit,’ possibly threw one of her notorious tantrums including tears, resulting in my father phoning me, blasting “how could you treat your mother like this?”  I can’t recall my reply, but more than likely, I said I was sorry.

A few days passed, and what do I receive in the mail, a multi-page letter from my mother ranting how self-centred I am, this is the way I treat her after everything she’s done for me throughout my life, took care of me, and will sever our relationship now.  This was due to not sending a card?

To be honest, I feel jealous of others who have/had a wonderful mother.

So to all of those who are survivors of narcissistic emotional abuse, or never received the motherly care, empathy, encouragement, and love; I dedicate this post to you. You are all Warriors!

Hugs,
Deb

Quote – Narcissistic Mothers

NPD Maternal Narcissism – Mom, describing most of your nasty traits

image: willieverbegoodenough.com

Mom, you scored beautifully on this:  31/33 (and you’re lucky I was being generous!).

How would your mother score out of 33?

(repost)

If My Abusive Mother Came Crawling Back, Do I Owe Her Anything?

For me, I positively don’t owe my narcissistic mother anything. Here is the woman who spewed out vicious words, ignored me, displayed rare empathy, criticized, ranted, raved, and left me feeling worthless and undervalued.

My father passed away in 2012 and I (the scapegoat) only have one sibling (my brother, the golden child).

Our last conversation(s) were similar to this:

“Deb, since your dad died, it’s been really lonely. I have no friends and have to do everything by myself. You have a husband there all the time to help you. I have no one. It’s really depressing, all alone in the apartment with nothing to do but watch TV. Your brother is always there if I need him, but you never seem to come over very often. I know you don’t have the car much and I said I could drive you to appointments or to the mall, but you always say you take the bus. We are family and we should do things for each other.”

She wants and needs me now, yet she hasn’t changed her narcissistic personality at all, and most likely never will. Am I expected to ‘be there’ for her now that she’s so lonely, yet ignored me throughout my childhood?

She can’t have me now, it’s too late mom you blew it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I really enjoyed reading this article today titled “The Debt” in which it asked just that, do we owe parents who have abused us during our lives anything when we are adults?

See article @ Slate.com written by Emily Yoffe “The Debt” When terrible, abusive parents come crawling back, what do their grown children owe them?

Written and copyrighted by Deb/2016

Originally on my blog niume.com (Deb-Living in Stigma)
https://niume.com/profile/25982#!/posts

Quote: Emotional Abuse

My therapist was the first person who ever validated my feelings, allowed me to speak, and believed what troubled me throughout my adult years due to Emotional Abuse.  My mother is a Narcissist and void of empathy, never taking the time or ignoring any feelings that I had. The only words out of her mouth were cruel and nasty.

 

Narcissism ~ Should we forgive the abuser?

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!
These series of videos have excellent info on the subject of Narcissism.